ElderlyJokes An Elderly Woman Had Just Returned To Her Home. This Is Super Funny. 5k Views An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38!” (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yelling a scripture to you.” “Scripture?” replied the burglar. “She said she had an Ax and Two 38’s” See more Previous joke A Little Old Lady Tried To Phone Her Local Bank. Next joke Two Old Men Are Sitting In A Bar.